March

March WORST month of the year to me!  Its Long, Spring fever,  lots of sickness going around.  Its totally a month I wouldn't mind skipping right through!  





As a parent of special needs I get lots of times where I'm content and happy, don't really think about the dark side.... then during months like March I get sucked right in.  I really realize that were different.  We are even different in the handicap world.  What Carter has makes him very medically fragile.  What Carter has is not very well known.  What Carter has makes each kid with it the same yet still very different.  Its a hard world to wrap your head around.




He has had a few years in the past that were pretty easy, we get over some hurdles and he will level out and do pretty well for awhile, so I'll sign us up for everything under the sun, take on more than I can chew  (aka starting a special need baseball team, trying to do another triathlon, a few examples)  then we hit a wall where more sickness and difficulties pop up and I realize we can't even do the special stuff, we are even handicap in the handicap area's.  Its not a question of do I want to get him out and do this stuff but its a question of will it bring on a seizure, will he overheat, will it cause him to have a horrible night of gagging. 


I feel very critical of myself when it comes to Carter, Austin, and Layton.  Very critical about how I parent.  In the beginning when it was just Carter and we hit the leveled out period for awhile I told myself HE WILL DO EVERYTHING WE DO ALWAYS!  I would never dream of holding him back.  Now as he is bigger and alot more issues on the table I have a different view on that.  Now my view is would HE like that?  Would he feel comfortable there?  Even as simple as the Butterfly Gardens, I brought him last year and we go into the very hot, humid room he starts to over heat then I bring him out in the cold.. its very uncomfortable for him.  He is blind so he cant see the butterfly's, the blindness makes his hearing more sensitive so he gets some anxiety from hearing all the people, this causes him to chew more, then he gets gaggy.  

Even as simple as pictures, I have my camera out EVERY day.  I refuse to take pictures of Carter when he doesn't feel good, it makes me sad.  When we get the day of him just laughing, and kicking you better believe I will have a whole roll of pictures.  
Like today!



So all this really comes into play when you add a 2 and 4 year old.  They NEED  to experience things.  Its not fair to hold them back.  I have struggled with this since before I got pregnant with Austin.  I did some counselling  over it because I get so upset when I think about combining the 2 worlds.  The time it takes to make sure they all get there special time.  This is ALWAYS first priority in my life. 


With FAV cousin Lucas!

 I know what Carter likes today he LOVES school, so any day he is healthy he will go... if I have to put buko bucks on my gas card because he has no busing... He WILL GO.  If I have to be the enemy and fight with every school district to get him busing HE WILL GO!  He loves the wind and a beautiful day, so if its the perfect mix of warm, not too warm with a nice breeze, he will be outside.  He likes certian noises like power tools or people coughing... so when Bill is working on the floor He WILL be in listening distance.  If I have an allergy attack I will go by him and we will laugh like its no ones business

So these things may not be glam like his brothers going to Monster Trucks or the Butterfly Gardens but its what Carter likes.  Even if its small its what he wants, he is comfortable and happy.  He loves snuggling on my lap so every time I can sit with him I do.  

This stuff might be hard for others to understand, I always say I wish we could live in a community with kids just like Carter.  Sometimes I feel very judged.  I wish people could see my every day to understand.  I'm starting to get to the point of I don't need them to understand.  The people that matter do.  I can't always explain why we have to do some things the way we do.  Or why we can't always make things.  Plain and simple every thing above makes for a FULL PLATE.  If the 3 little wisemans are happy we have done our job.  Someday things will be lighter but for now its busy, Just like my mom always says enjoy because you will miss these days...